The Sillier Story

So this is the sillier story, once again if you want to see the context for this then go back to the original thread where I talk about this contest and the rules behind it. It's the on that's my new idea for a guild event, go on check it out and try and write a story of your own.

The Tale of Jon Risinger

It was a cold night and Jon had just finished eating his Tim-Tams, they were chocolatey goodness that made him all fliba-flongs in the gnabbers. It was like peach krite on a sizzlewy day, and it made him feel warm inside. But he had only just realised he was late for the ball. He had promised his bride-to-be, a miss Spannywaggins that he would be there at 8 pm sharp. Now it was 20 railroads past 7 and it would take him more than a hop-scitch to get to house across town. In Lillyliverwell the Taxis stopped operating at 7, which means who would have to walk the entire distance. How could he have been so bashed!? He had stayed out with his friends for 3 skips and chair before, but he had always made sure to keep track of the Ol' Father.

He had to try anyways because his bride would be much more understanding if he was late than if he didn't show up at all. So he got a keel in his bips and set off for his home in Langdon. It was a peaceful enough walk with a few sights and sounds here and there, but he didn't have time he had to race on home as quickly as he could. He remembered that last week Cinderella and Mary Poppins had missed the ball, now their heads adorned city hall. He didn't want to become a human ornament. He wanted to get married and have kids, this put an even great keep in his bip as he quickened his pace.

As he passed City Hall, he saw the Ol' Father strike 8 and he knew he was in for it. His bride would be royally pissed, and a pissed Spannywaggins was not a thing he wanted to endure so he quickened his pace even more from that of a speedy walk to that of a jog. As he looked at his Ol' HandFather, he saw the time was 5 Railroads past 8. He could still make it by 30 railroads if he hurried, but as he passed by the Bill Murray commemorative statue he noticed an odd sight. The statue appeared to be carrying a rifle, an odd thing considering Bill Murray didn't do too many war movies. From behind him he heard, "Like it?" Startle, he turned around to see Bob Biskopins the man who had made the statue. "Added the rifle myself, do you like it?" "Yes, it adds a rather dark tone to this comedy legend." "Thank you I knew you'd love it." "Wait," Jon suddenly exclaimed, "What do you mean you knew?" The artists began to shuffle around with something is his back pocket, "I'd heard about the things you did for the city and I thought it only appropriate to get your opinion on the matter." He continued shuffling with whatever object lay in the bowls of his pockets. Jon piped up saying, "Yes, but I don't even know you except of course form the newspaper articles." The artists began to move his feet about as well. "Yeah, but I'd heard about you from the local Golf-Skippers club and I thought you'd be the best authority on the matter, seeing as how you are related to Bill himself." Jon was truly befuddled, he had a brother named Billy but that was all. "If you mean my brother, his name is Billy." The artists began to now nervously pace back and forth, what had him so impatient? "Oh yeah, that's right I believe I met the bloke. Great Womb-Dingler." Jon had no idea what a Womb-Dingler was, but he could guess many things so he simply said, "Yes indeed, he's a pro." He hoped it had made sense. "Well actually I rather admire his technique, all Jims and no Lorries, eh" The artist started to nervously laugh and said, "You know what fuck it the true one must be reborn." Before Jon could muster a retort the mane pulled a large knife from his pocket and plunged into into Jon's chest. "May you waish with the true Dingler." He blacked-out to the man laughing before him.

He awoke later in the same spot, the statue behind him had a slight glow to it but that was normal, and why hadn't he died. He had felt himself crossover, had felt his very being cease to exist, yet here he was fine and dandy like a Banger in some Potato Mash. He noticed a small hand mirror on the ground and picked it up, looking to see if had sustained an major injuries, and checked himself out. He looked at his chest and face, but everything appeared to be normal. Then he noticed it, his face wasn't affected because that wasn't HIS face, he was Bill Murray! The one true Dingler must have been Bill Murray himself, so did that mean he was chosen or was he hand-picked? Movies hadn't really prepared him for turning into Bill Murray.

He rushed on him with his rifle in hand, wait why did have a rifle? Then as the though crossed his mind, the statue began to grow brighter like Babbagonoosh in Pixie Land. He guessed it was better not to question such things, so he hurried on home. He got home with barely enough breath left to speak and began to look for his bride. She was in the Living Room waiting to give him a talking-to, she even held a cermonial knife and a phone ready to call the mayor at a moment's notice. For it was now 45 railroads past midnight and he was a dead man, but none of that mattered at the moment. "Sweety I'm so sorry that I missed the ball, but I met some artist who's name I believe was Bob and he stabbed me." "Are you hurt?" "Far from it, I'm Bill Murray." His bride quickly broke down in tears, "Sweety what's wrong." She looked up at him with those big sad eyes and said,"There's something I have to tell you." She went over to their fireplace and pulled one of the little figurines back. The fireplace opened up to reveal a room that had all his friends and the mayor inside. "Happy New Dingleberries!" "Wait what's all this?" The mayor piped up and said, "You don't get it do you? You've always been Bill Murray we were just waiting for the right time to Dingle-Bob you!" "So the heads on City Hall?" "Are all fake." "And the ball?" The mayor walked over to Jon and said, "That was all a trick to get you in the right place to be Dingle-Bobbed. You almost ruined it to but we got your friends here to take you out Splassing in the local Travariappo." Jon looked at everyone confused, "So what do we do now?" His wife answered him this time saying, "We party with the Doodle-Boppers!!" Music began to play from within the room and all was merry for the night. They truly partied like it was 1995.

..Or so they thought. You see the night before a deadly toxin had been released into Jon's system that turned him into Bill Murray, but it made him release hallucinogenic gasses that made everyone talk nonsense and slowly ate their insides until they were little more than mush. So they thought there was a secret door in the fireplace when they were actually in the middle of the highway during rush-hour, keeping everyone from getting home. As more people came out of their cars to see what was wrong they too were affected by the gas until the whole city was dancing to non-existant music on the stretch of highway. It got so bad the Army declared it a Class 5 Quarantine Zone and nuked the whole city, but don't fret at least Bill Murray is still around. Blessed be to the Great-Dingler who proclaimed, "War, war never changes!"